Abundance

November has brought an avalanche of thankful posts to my newsfeed. From an abundance of food, to good health and a loving family, many are writing their blessings on the walls of social media to share with the world. I gave it a try, but didn't quite find it comfortable to give thanks in such a public fashion. 

Here is the truth: I feel guilty for the abundance in my life.

I am keenly aware that while I followed the rules- graduated from high school and then college, got married and had babies, in that order- I didn't do it by myself. Some might argue my husband and I have earned our abundance by working hard and making choices. That's true, to some degree, of course. But many factors beyond our control led to life where we have enough food in the refrigerator and a warm roof over our heads. 

I was born to a stable family. My parents have been married for over 40 years. They modeled tenacity, hard work, and honoring commitments, and I absorbed the lessons of their example. 

Abundance.

My family wasn't wealthy, by any stretch of the imagination. I grew up in a mobile home and dreamed of living in a house without wheels. Yet my parents made their blue collar earnings stretch, and I never worried about filling my stomach or whether Santa would show up in time for Christmas. I had my own room and new clothes, and like many kids took it all for granted at the time.

Abundance.

I escaped abuse of any kind. I do not know what it is to fear for my physical or emotional safety, and I know experiencing those fears would have changed me in fundamental ways beyond the range of my imagination. 

Abundance.

My husband is a good man. He works hard, respects women, and takes his responsibilities seriously. He models what is a good man to our daughters, so that they will understand at the cellular level that they are worthy of respect, honor, and love. Marriage is not easy, but the good outweighs the bad, and we love each more after 15 years than we did on our wedding day. 

Abundance.

 

I am part of a community full of friends eager to support and help when needed. People who worry, people who care, people who can be depended upon to offer what they can with cheerful spirit.

 

Abundance.

My children were born bright, beautiful, and healthy. I do not have to expend resources searching for specialists, schools, or doctors who can help them have a future. I don't worry about them beyond the everyday worries that all mothers experience. 

 

Abundance.

My college degree allowed me to find a job that guarantees a solid income and good benefits. I do not have to choose between staying home with a sick child or losing a day's wages. I do not have to wonder if I'm sick enough to justify the price of a visit to the doctor. I can do what is best for me and my family without worrying if my job will be waiting when I return.

Abundance.

Don't misunderstand. I really am thankful for these great gifts  in my life. Countless people in the world are just as deserving, but life simply hasn't been as kind to them.  Any small twist of fate could have- would have- changed where my family is today. So I find myself in the odd position of feeling  both undeserving and hopeful that my luck will continue. Abundance.