You Are Not So Special

Like mothers everywhere, I am secretly convinced my children are just a little bit more than other children.  A little bit more smart. A little bit more beautiful. A little bit more likely to grow up to be president, or winner of a Pulitzer, or the world's best mother.

But this is what I tell them: You are not so special.

You are not so special that your wants trump the needs of everyone else.
Sometimes (often, in fact) you will experience disappointment and must accept it with grace and understanding. Your wish for a new bike or game or whatever will take a backseat to your sister's need for a new coat and boots, because you, my dear child, live in a world of finite resources. Accept it early and you can avoid a lifetime of looking over your neighbors' shoulders to see if they have more, because it won't matter. You'll have enough.

You are not so special that you are absolved of responsibility for helping make the world a better place.
You have been blessed with the tools you need to create a good life- a warm house and nourishing food,  a loving family, and a quality education. But let's be clear that you did nothing to earn those things. It was an accident of birth, just the same as those born into poverty, dysfunction, and hopelessness. Your birth privilege requires you to work toward helping provide for those born under lesser circumstances. Donating your money and volunteering your time are requirements for you to live with gratitude. Speaking of gratitude...

You are not so special that you can afford to forgo gratitude for complaints.
The world will disappoint you. People will let you down, and the movie reel of dreams that runs through your head will often look nothing like the reality that comes to pass. But choosing to focus on those disappointments and complain about your circumstances rather than recognize the tremendous gifts of love and opportunity that surround you is simply not an option if you want to live a life of joy.

You are not so special that you can ignore your talents and expect them to grow.
Every talent, every skill needs your time and attention to grow and develop. Whether your  heart is fullest when you play the guitar, or look at the stars, or paint a landscape, you must nurture that love to give it a chance to make your life rich. Ignoring what you love in favor of earning money may help you earn a living, but if it's at the expense of feeding your soul the price is too high. Practice, practice, and practice again to give your talent a chance to play a meaningful role in your life.

You are not so special that you are not responsible for your own actions, decisions, and behaviors.
Do not explain away poor behavior by telling me what someone else did to earn it. You have no control over another person's choices, but you can control your own reactions and responses. Bad behavior on the part of another will never, ever, excuse yours. So don't even try.

You are not so special that you can avoid apologizing when you should.
Since you are human, you'll make mistakes. You will be jealous and judgmental and mean and small-minded. You will be sarcastic and dramatic and emotional and defensive. You will lie and twist the truth and overreact. And it will all be okay- as long as you apologize. Mistakes are forgivable, but refusing to acknowledge your mistakes will make it very difficult for people to see past your human foibles to that unique combination of qualities that make you your fabulous self. So when warranted, take a deep breath, open your mouth, and say, "I'm sorry." Don't worry- it will get easier with practice.

You are not so special that excuses will be accepted in place of action.
Listen, I know. Sometimes you just.don't.want.to. There are moments when you'll have to drag yourself kicking and screaming into whatever action is required of you at that time. Do it anyway. The world is a pretty smart place, and whatever excuse you'll come up with to justify your inaction will not  be met with the response you hope for. Trust me on this.

You are not so special that you can choose anything other than integrity to shape your days and guide your choices.
Tough choices await you. Sometimes the easy choice is the wrong one, so learn to listen to your heart and conscience and always, always choose with integrity.

You are not so special that the world owes you anything except the opportunity to forge a path through determination, hard work, and effort.
You have already won the lottery of life. (Remember the warm house, nourishing food, and quality education we've already discussed?) It's up to you, and you alone, to use those winnings to shape your future. You've been provided with the building blocks you need to step onto the path,  but your own effort will determine the direction that path takes. Work hard with gratitude in your heart, and life will reward you.

You are not so special that you can avoid forgiveness.
People are imperfect. Forgive them anyway. Holding on to anger and hurt will poison you far more profoundly than it will punish them. The most important person you ever forgive will be yourself, because the best relationship you nurture is with the person who stares back in the mirror. Forgive your own mistakes and imperfections, find balance, seek out joy, and you will live a life of meaning and love.